As a bankruptcy attorney, I’ve spent a lot of time talking to people about how they manage their money on a daily basis. In these meetings, I’ve asked them all kinds of standard money questions like “how much do you spend on housing, transportation and utilities,” and “how much credit card debt do you have?” Then we move into the budget and we talk about how they might have to down size their home, let go of a car, or reduce their living expenses to some extent. This is the gentlest way possible I can think of to explain to people that they need to start living within their means.
What we don’t talk about is the underlying reasons they’re sitting in my office. I’ve told many clients that I’m not there to judge them. I’m there to help them get things under control, and I really mean that. I figure it’s hard enough for them to sit in an attorney’s office and ask for help filing for bankruptcy. The last thing they need is for that attorney to browbeat them for making financial choices that resulted in them actually having to file for bankruptcy at some point.
While I’ve made it my policy not to browbeat my clients, I’ve had a front row seat at the shame show that many of them (not all, of course), unwittingly participate in. I figured out pretty early on they were browbeating themselves plenty on their own, there was no need for me to join in. I also figured out that they were wrongly identifying themselves with their money situation. So, I started saying things like “this is not you, this is simply what’s happening to you,” or “owing money and filing for bankruptcy do not make you a bad person, a criminal or a sinner.” After saying these things and reassuring my clients that I wasn’t judging them, I would watch them exhale and actually see the fear and anxiety drain from their faces.
There are so many people out there setting wealth standards and giving advice about how to achieve financial freedom, it’s easy to find that information. What very few people talk about in a practical way is how dangerous it is to let your thinking about money get skewed and stay that way. We don’t talk about how to avoid tying your identity to the amount of money you have or how to think about money in a positive, productive way.
I found this fantastic Tedx Talk from a money coach named Tammy Lally that expresses exactly how dangerous it is to identify with your bottom line or someone else’s standard of financial success. The video is twelve minutes long but totally worth watching all the way to the end. Do yourself a favor and watch it now, if you can.
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She says things in the video that I’ve been saying for years. In fact, I’ve included a lot of these concepts and tools in my book on money management (shameless book plug!). I truly believe that if you don’t have your mind right about money, you’ll never get your personal finances on track.
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The good news is that none of these concepts are complicated once you become aware of them. Once you become aware of the root of your perception, behaviors and beliefs, it’s like coming out of a dark tunnel into bright sunlight. I remember when I realized how much I was impacted by my parents financial choices. That’s when I really started making major progress financially. I can’t express to you how incredibly empowering that knowledge was for me. To understand where I’m coming from, you have to know a little about my history with money.
I’ve talked a lot about my childhood money experiences and memories in my content and in my book. In fact, the reason I became a bankruptcy attorney had more than a little to do with my parents’ bankruptcy and my own money journey as an adult. I’ve had my own ups and downs with money in addition to watching sixteen years worth of bankruptcy clients deal with their financial situations. Because of that journey, and this hard won knowledge, I can safely say that becoming aware of the fact that YOU ARE NOT YOUR MONEY is the first step on the path to building long term wealth.
So, to answer the question I posed as the title of this blog post, what does your money say about you? Here goes: NOTHING, NOT ONE SINGLE SOLITARY THING. Money is just that, a thing. It is not your identity and whether or not you have a lot or little doesn’t say anything about who you really are. What it does do is tell others whether or not you have awakened to that fact. If you haven’t, you’ll stay on the treadmill until something happens to wake you up or, you croak (sorry about being a downer there with that last comment but, it has to be said).
If you have, you are already way ahead of the game. Becoming aware of this truth is the first really big step in taking control of your personal finances. The second big step is to BE CONSCIOUS OF WHAT YOU ARE TEACHING YOUR KIDS ABOUT MONEY. Take a lesson from your past and do a better job of teaching your kids how to think about money than your parents did for you. Remember this rule, if you don’t change your behavior, perception or beliefs, you will transmit them. As we now know, your kids learn from you by absorption just like you learned from your parents. Don’t repeat the same mistake!
Spend well, my friend!
The Dollar Lama
P.S. Make sure you check out my online courses, books and resources, too! Investing in your money management education is an investment in yourself. That’s the best investment you’ll ever make, I guarantee it! Don’t forget my weekly Facebook live videos on Facebook.com/newcashview, Instagram @joyalfordbrand and on my YouTube channel NCVTV. You can catch me twice, on Mondays between 3:00 p.m. and 4:00 p.m. for my Monday Money Management Minute and Thursday evenings between 7:00 and 9:00 (Eastern Standard time), for my weekly NCVTV episode. They are packed full of useful and entertaining money management information! If you’ve missed any NCVTV episodes, you can see the latest on newcashview.com or you can check out my YouTube channel and get caught up! You can get there by clicking here. Remember, like and share the NCVTV videos on Facebook and all your social media platforms, so others can benefit from them, too!
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