A New Take On Responsibility

Recently, I wrote a newsletter about responsibility that, in my opinion, is important enough to elaborate into a blog post.  I email a newsletter about money management tips out to my tribe every Monday with personal finance advice and  some wit and wisdom for your wallet.  FYI, if you are interested in joining my tribe (and I strongly suggest you do since it’s useful and funny!), you can sign up here:

Here’s the text of the email:

Some Tough Love

Lately, every time I get ready to write a blog post, do a video, or create some other content, I have to ask myself if I should talk about what’s going on in our country.  We’ve experienced so many tragedies that I constantly find myself questioning how my goals with newcashview.com can help move others forward, especially in times of crisis. 

Every time, I come back to the same answer.  The best thing I can do is to create uplifting content designed to gently help people learn, not just how to manage money, but also how to live more peaceful, happier lives so we can all respond to tragedies in the strongest possible way.  In my opinion, the best way I can do that (and help people, generally), is to teach them skills and techniques for smart and simple money management because that, in turn, creates individual empowerment.  Those techniques can also be used in every area of our lives to help us live the best possible lives we can.  This week, though, I think it’s time for a little tough love.  Just a little, don’t worry!

Choose Responsibility

I think one of the fundamental things we need to do before we can be successful in our lives is to take 100% responsibility for every part of our lives.  Jack Canfield writes about this principle in his book The Success Principles:

“If you want to create the life of your dreams, then you are going to have to take 100% responsibility for your life as well. That means giving up all your excuses, all your victim stories, all the reasons why you can’t and why you haven’t up until now, and all your blaming of outside circumstances. You have to give them all up forever. You have to take the position that you have always had the power to make it different, to get it right, to produce the desired result. For whatever reason—ignorance, lack of awareness, fear, needing to be right, the need to feel safe—you chose not to exercise that power. Who knows why? It doesn’t matter. The past is the past. All that matters now is that from this point forward you choose—that’s right, it’s a choice—to act as if you are 100% responsible for everything that does or doesn’t happen to you. If something doesn’t turn out as planned, you will ask yourself, How did I create that? What was I thinking? What were my beliefs? What did I say or not say? What did I do or not do to create that result? How did I get the other person to act that way? What do I need to do differently next time to get the result I want?” Jack Canfield, The Success Principles – principle #1

You see, we can only control one thing, ourselves.  Period.  Only we can control how much we eat, spend, exercise or whatever.  See where I’m going with this?  I thought so!

“But, I am responsible!”

 You are probably thinking, “hey, I work, pay my taxes and take care of my family.  I’m very responsible!”  I have no doubt that’s true and that kind of responsibility is very, very important, but it’s not the kind I’m talking about.  I’m talking about the kind of responsibility that falls more into the category of honesty and goes something like this: “it is my fault that my pants no longer fit because instead of meditating and going to the gym to deal with the stress of the job I hate, I am eating my feelings every night in a pint of Haagen Dazs while I binge watch Drop Dead Diva on Netflix.” 

Or, this:  “it is my fault my dog barks, growls, jumps and snaps at people because I play rough with Fido and make no effort whatsoever to teach him manners.”  What about this one: “it is my fault I am going to be late to work because I stayed up late last night and binge watched Drop Dead Diva while eating multiple pints of Haagen Dazs, and slept through my alarm in my sugar induced coma.”  Again, see where I’m going with this?

Stop The Madness!

Okay, now we are getting to the point!  This week’s theme at ncv.com is “Stop The Madness!”  Now that you know what it means to take 100% responsibility for your life, it’s time to start asking a few “Jack Canfield” questions when you find yourself in a situation that you don’t want to be in.  Sounds too complicated?  Well, let me make it easy for you.  Let’s start with your finances.  To learn this technique, take one money situation in your life that you are stressed about and start asking yourself questions about it.  Stop when you hit your pain point.  You’ll know it when you get there, believe me!  Now, take responsibility for it.  Admit your role in your situation and see how your perspective changes.  That’s a great first step on your path to success!

Now, I realize this idea will be a bitter pill for a lot of people to swallow.  It’s easier said than done, for sure.  Take it from me.  The idea that everything that happens in your life is a result of your own actions was really not fun for me to hear.  Talk about getting poked in the eye with a sharp stick!  If that’s true, it means nobody but me is responsible for every bad situation I find myself in.  How does that explain things like car accidents that weren’t my fault or the airline losing my luggage with my $10,000 hair extensions inside?

Well, it doesn’t.  The truth is, things happen that we have no control of whatsoever.  The idea that we are solely responsible for everything that happens to us is not the same, I repeat NOT THE SAME, as TAKING responsibility for 100% of your life.  The difference can be summed up in the following equation (also found in Jack Canfield’s book The Success Principles – Principle #1):

E + R = O

This equation stands for Event plus Response equals Outcome.  Now, we all know that there are some things we can’t control, no matter what.  What we CAN control is our response and therein lies the key.  So, rather than trying to do some mental gymnastics to contort yourself into thinking you are to blame for a car accident you didn’t cause, try to see this principle for what it is.  An instruction on how to pick yourself up when you fall down, fail or just plain screw up.  Remember, the critical key is your response.  Instead of beating yourself up about “how did I let that happen,” work on figuring out how to respond in the best possible way.  You can start by asking some Jack Canfield questions.  Ask, and answer honestly, at least three of the questions and go from there.  That is how you begin to take 100% responsibility for your life.  If I can do it, you can, too!

The Dollar Lama

P.S.  Make sure you check out my online courses, books and resources, too!  Investing in your money management education is an investment in yourself.  That’s the best investment you’ll ever make, I guarantee it!  Don’t forget my weekly Facebook live videos on Facebook.com/newcashview, Instagram @joyalfordbrand and on my YouTube channel NCVTV. You can catch me twice, on Mondays between 3:00 p.m. and 4:00 p.m. for my Monday Money Management Minute and Thursday evenings between 7:00 and 9:00 (Eastern Standard time), for my weekly NCVTV episode. They are packed full of useful and entertaining money management information! If you’ve missed any NCVTV episodes, you can see the latest on newcashview.com or you can check out my YouTube channel and get caught up! You can get there by clicking here. Remember, like and share the NCVTV videos on Facebook and all your social media platforms, so others can benefit from them, too!